Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
