He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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