What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
