who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
