You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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