Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
