Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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