Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
