well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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