I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
