im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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