no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize