So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
