this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
