Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
