dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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