i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize