You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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