i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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