so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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