So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
