she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
