if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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