Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
