Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
