i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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