just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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