She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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