Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
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