Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
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