I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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