having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
