She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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