im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
