I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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