Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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