Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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