I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
