Barsexuality is the new black.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
