i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
