i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
