are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
