Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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