i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Randomize
