you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
