dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
