my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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