I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
