So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
