girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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