I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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