I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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