Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
