Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
His hands were made for my vagina.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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