My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
