yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
birth control should be required to get into college
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
