3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize