Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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