I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize