hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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