its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
