We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
