I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
