And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize