Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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