he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
