she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
