Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
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