Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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