Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
