wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
