I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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