I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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