she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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