don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Drunk is a universal language darling
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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