I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
wow bdsm is so cute
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