Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Randomize
