I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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