having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
