is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
