i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
