theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
