gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
