conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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