I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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