come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
