Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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