He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
