Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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