After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
This baby is an asshole
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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