i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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