Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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