my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
