peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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