I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
me + whiskey = a bad person
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
