Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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