I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
