While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Randomize
