i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize