I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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