i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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