hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
