Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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