White coat. Heels.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
