he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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