bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
