I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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