you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
